Couples who marry in certain styles are most likely to experience conflict and unhappy marriages. It is crucial to identify the root cause of a marital dissatisfaction when both spouses feel miserable. This is a sign that it’s time to address the issues or end the destructive marriage styles.

Common problems like low self-esteem and incompatibility, poor communication skills or emotional problems, as well as substance abuse, can lead to many of these destructive patterns. These problems will determine if a marriage is ever healthy and happy. It is important to identify the patterns in your relationship so that you can understand the work required.

If there is no evidence of mental illness or substance abuse, poor communication skills, difficulties with stress management, low self-esteem, or unresolved emotional issues may be the reason. Both partners must take responsibility for the problems in their relationship.

There is hope for a solution if a couple can recognize the negative patterns in their relationship. People need to recognize and accept that a relationship is not working and be able to end it.

#1 The Abusive Marriage

Three types of abuse are most common: verbal, physical, and emotional. It may seem so

Someone who isn’t in an abusive relationship will know that leaving the marriage would be the best option. Many people are afraid and confused, even though they know that abuse can be suffered.

This type of marriage is solidified by drama and clearly defined roles. To avoid shameful disclosures to family and friends, it may be easier to stay in the marital relationship. Sometimes, the fear of starting over with someone new or being alone can be more frightening than the pain of suffering abuse.

Control is often the motivator in an abusive relationship. To make their partner feel less secure about being left behind or outshined, the abusive person will often beat and scare them. Abusers may be able to admit their mistakes and make themselves known as sympathetic figures, who will apologize for their poor behavior. Victims of abuse can feel guilt and be able to forgive their abuser. The marriage is prone to drama, blame and enmity. These are what bind the spouses together in their shameful and confused marriage.

This pattern is also caused by unresolved emotional issues or substance abuse. Denial prevents change from happening. Both partners’ mental and physical health are affected. Both partners risk permanent damage if they don’t seek professional help to end the destructive cycle in their relationships. These marriages must end.

#2 The Cold Marriage

Imagine a married couple sitting in their home, avoiding eye contact and responding with indifference to each other. Imagine this couple not talking to each other about their days and being indifferent when sharing information about their lives. Living in this environment can lead to deep feelings of loneliness, resentment and hurt. Think of no contact, and only a few displays over time.

Some relationships begin cold. Many of these individuals are shy or self-centered. The individuals may have come from a family with little heat or have been raised in cold environments. It is possible to become cold over time. For those who aren’t interested in connecting with others more intimately, it can feel peaceful and quiet. For most people, however, living in a cold relationship is an emotional torture.

It can be hostile to feel in the quiet. It can feel lonely and confusing. Many wonder if their partner is mad at them. Many wonder if their coldness could indicate that they have lost their love for their partner. Depression, self-esteem problems and disdain for the partner can lead to emotional isolation and chronic depression.

Cold relationships are plagued by a pattern that under-communicates. This means that issues don’t get explored fully and emotions stay hidden or undiscovered. Resentment can be the root cause of cold relationships. It is important that someone openly expresses their feelings and attempts to understand and forgive the problem. This environment can be emotionally harmful. This “cold marriage” should end and not be continued indefinitely.

#3: The competitive, combative marriage

A competitive relationship is the opposite of a warm relationship. This type of relationship is verbal and full of conflict and is dominated by a win/lose dynamic. Competitiveness, even if it isn’t combative, can increase the attraction and passion between the partners. It can be exciting and spirited, and it can highlight admirable traits that are ambitious and socially rewarding.

If healthy competition becomes a vicious cycle in which both partners must win and control everything, the marriage can become toxic. The marriage can become a battlefield if partners try to diminish one another in order to cope with their insecurity. This is not a union built on friendship and mutual respect. It is one of the most destructive forms of marriage.

Healthy competition

Healthy competition is a desire to do things your way, not yours. Let’s see what happens. Combative complacency sounds like: “I think my method is better; you don’t come up with any ideas that make sense.” This first indicates strong self-esteem for an idea and an openness towards being right or wrong. The second is a narrative that says “I am better than your” and implies that you don’t care enough about the opinions of others. The second scenario is where the competitor who is negative sets up an environment in which the partner must fight back to protect their intelligence or integrity.

The marriage becomes a battle for power and control, and the couple is fighting for their integrity and personal autonomy. This type of marriage creates a hostile and sad environment that eventually leads to emotional and physical separation.

People involved in this type of negative, competitive relationship will often argue that they don’t mean to make their partner feel inferior. They believe that they are right most of the times. Nobody is always right. Intimacy is all about communicating strong opinions without being controlling or condescending. You don’t want your spouse to feel inferior or need to win. These couples need to be helped to identify the root causes of their competitiveness. These competitive relationships can be harmful to both spouses if they are not changed.

#4 The overly-closed (Enmeshed?) Marriage

A “two peas-in-a-pod” couple seems to be a happy, fulfilled marriage. They seem to have romantic bliss, complete each other’s sentences and see the world almost with the same eyes. These unions can often go wrong because of too closeness. This can make partners feel like they are being held back by a rope or a leash. If one or both of the partners feel stifled, isolated, and resentful, it is a sign that the relationship is getting bad.

People lose sight of their individuality when they become too close to one another. This can lead to a lack in self-actualization. Healthy people will desire to express their individuality. A couple that is too close to each other will endanger their fragile security. Couples who become too close together feel they don’t have to be near other people. They believe that separating from family and friends makes their relationship stronger, more secure, and special. This type of marriage is characterized by 1) immaturity, 2) insecurity in either partner and 3) a lack understanding about how to establish healthy boundaries.

This type of relationship can become a destructive form of marriage if it becomes strained and lonely. One partner will start to miss their family and friends, as well as the rich experiences that life offers. They will realize they don’t have the same goals as they did before the marriage. Once feeling close, it becomes a form of emotional abuse and selfishness. This terrible union can lead to constant conflict and depression if the partners don’t address their problems. The marriage should be ended and each partner should be free to be who they are.

#5 The Parallel/Disconnected Marriage

This type of marriage is less obvious in its horribleness, but it is still very unhappy. The parallel/disconnected relationship is one that lacks connection and has a limited number of shared emotions. This can lead to loneliness, anger, depression, and even suicide. Couples can still miss one another if there is a healthy amount of parallelism. Healthy chemistry is maintained by a healthy self-other dynamic.

If there is too much of a parallel relationship, the couples may become emotionally distant and less aware of one another. While these couples may still engage in shared activities, they might not feel close. These couples often stay together for a while, and they may not want to include one another in areas of their lives that involve new people or interests. It can be difficult to regain an emotional connection with one another.

Being a couple that is parallel

There are many reasons why a couple may become a parallel couple. A sense of insecurity and fear can result from early experiences with abuse or abandonment. As a child, it is normal to keep your parents and other people who have hurt you away from you.

This can have a negative impact on how you relate to your intimate partner later in life. This type of distance can be normal if one comes from this background. Due to the difficulties of managing fear of abuse or abandonment, this dynamic can cause spouses to feel more distant than connected. It can also indicate that the partners are not compatible with each other in important areas of a long-term relationship.

The parallel pattern

Unresolved hurts and resentments can also lead to a parallel pattern. These negative emotions can be used to justify keeping distance from your partner, protect oneself or take revenge for being treated unfairly or poorly. A parallel dynamic over time encourages partners to seek out new experiences and people to be close to, rather than excluding each other.

The separate experiences can be used to satisfy certain needs, which can decrease the desire or interest to reconnect. It is very difficult to feel lonely, bored, or angry in a parallel relationship. It is better to leave than to settle for less than you desire. Let’s take a look at the destructive aspects of marriage.

#6 The Dishonest Marriage

When it comes to marriage, the saying “nobody loves a liar” is more true than ever. Intimacy is defined as the open, honest, and mutually beneficial sharing of feelings, thoughts, and needs. These are the characteristics that make a happy marriage. You can express yourself freely and trust your partner. A dishonest marriage can lead to distrust between the partners and a lack of trust.

For many reasons, people develop the habit of lying. This can be a way to control others. Lies can give the illusion that one can control outcomes and protect themselves from conflict. A liar wants to feel smart, powerful, and protected from abandonment or judgment. The liar is less vulnerable and intimate if they don’t tell the truth about their thoughts or actions. Lying can also signify shame. A shame-based liar may fear that lying will make their partner less likely to respect or stay with them. Therefore, lying can be used as a way to avoid rejection.

The habit of lying

The habit of lying can be used to retaliate for being wronged. One can lie to push the other away, and feel superior and in control. Partner can begin to sense dishonesty over time. They can sense distance and see inconsistencies and inconsistencies in communication. Lies about anything significant or insignificant destroy the foundation for a healthy partnership.

If the source of dishonesty is revealed, the dishonest spouse can change their behavior and accept responsibility for lying. These marriages can heal. These marriages can heal and recover if they are focused on the reasons for lying. This type of marriage is often enough to cause a divorce.

A healthy and happy relationship is one that is as healthy as the partners in it. Relationships that are not resolved will fall into these terrible patterns. A successful relationship will require self-awareness. You have to be brave to end a bad relationship. However, it makes it easier to start a better one.